Royal loves and dependents:
We are a household. This is a space where we can live, grow, laugh, love, and learn, as a family. I feared doing this because you will all think I’ve lost my ever-loving mind. The truth is, I did a poor job over all these years of instilling certain values, committing to rules, showing consistency in my own choices and explaining how ‘life’ actually works. Part of loving your children is teaching them responsibility and lately, we are all lacking that. Join me in doing hard things and not only taking responsibility but also helping others and being the change that this entire household needs. Or chose to stand on the other side of reason and suffer my wrath.
Before we begin, let me offer you the ability to experience this in real time. If you are one who has trouble with reading, honey-do lists, saying you’re sorry, sharing, reading between the lines, understanding without the ability to hear one’s sentiment or owning up, this may be easier for you to hear in person. Just stop here and reach out to the old crow and I’ll walk your happy ass through it, one step at a time.
This is OUR house, not my house. This is our home, not our burden or our problem. This house is a disaster. So I’m making some new resolutions and involving ALL of you. I’m not pointing fingers or making accusations, no matter what you think. This is intended to create a new way to maintain OUR home. What we’ve been doing just isn’t working. You all have a choice here. I’m not dictating or telling you what to do. What I’m telling you is that I no longer want to be the only one who maintains this home. We all live in it.
My motivation: Sanity.
I am the one who cleans up everyone’s messes. You all may occasionally clean up your own messes but you don’t care to help clean up others. The majority of the time you are either too busy or just don’t care. I am the one that ‘harps and nags’ about things when it’s in disarray. I am the one that stresses over it. Most of the time I just do all the things without saying a word because I don’t want to be the mom/wife that is constantly complaining. This is not only selfish and unfair, it’s rude. Maybe cleanliness isn’t as important to you neanderthals as it is to me. Or maybe you just don’t think about it as often as I clearly do. Do you see me sitting on the couch in the evenings doing next to nothing? Let me tell you what that means. It doesn’t just mean I’m being lazy and choosing not to tend to the messes all around me. It doesn’t just mean that I’m neglecting my responsibilities. And it doesn’t just mean I refuse to be the only one always cleaning up. It also means that the stress of worrying about it has become so burdensome to me that I am choosing to use my only free time during the day to sit on my couch, next to my husband and waste a little time doing nothing else for that day. I get up Monday through Friday at the ass crack of dawn, make sure coffee is made, laundry is going, dad’s eggs are cracked and clothes are ready for me, dad and Tanner. I do this because it makes my morning flow more smoothly. I get myself ready, make sure Tanner is dressed and ready for school, make sure the dog goes out, make sure everything is turned off and locked up, take Tanner to school, work for 8 hours (lately I’ve been fortunate enough to do some of that from home but I promise you there is no less stress), run any errands that need run whether it’s groceries or any little necessity we may want or need, make dinner, clean up after dinner, and try to keep the stress and worry at bay as I rehash all the things that put me on edge all day from work to personal issues. Dad and I both stress over work stuff and frankly it’s kind of unavoidable. (Hence our suggestion to get a better job while you are young and make better choices!) I stress about Grandma Bev, Grandma Deni, not spending enough time with either of them, not having better credit so we can move and dad can get much deserved new/better vehicle, having so many obligations that I either can’t afford to tend to or just simply don’t know where to start, not having a mom and dad of my own to call and ask for advice or cry to when it’s warranted, Caleb, being so far away from the other kids/grandkids, feeling like I’ve failed because of a lot of what I mentioned before this, not eating right or knowing how to change those habits, getting old and being reminded of it constantly, gaining the weight I’ve gained and not knowing how to start the change, feeling as if I’ve disappointed the people I love the most on a daily basis (for reasons that are mostly unreasonable and change by the second), my teeth, my brittle/thinning hair, the constant state of disrepair our home seems to be in regularly, and at least a million other irrational things. So sitting on the couch for a while before I fall asleep in the evenings is more of a time to unwind and decompress than an act of laziness. I rarely say anything to anyone about helping around the house. And I’m aware that when I do it sounds like nagging and bitching. That’s my own fault for letting it build up to that. So this is my attempt at asking for help. (I am going to try to add some sarcasm and wit so I don’t sound so bitchy. Your attempt to perceive this in a positive way will also help.)
Gabe and Kiara: Don’t get mad and shell up on me and then talk about me behind my back after this, please. I really do love the shit out of you both. Understand that I mean well and just want to do what it takes to maintain this home and my sanity, along with a loving, trusting, respectful relationship with you guys. I’m not criticizing, I’m just trying to teach you. One day you will be living on your own and no one will be there to ‘guide’ you. I’ll always be a phone call away, you know this. And I love you both to the moon. The hard to swallow truth is that you will not always live here, you are not being respectful or responsible, and I’m not being the best parent, either. Let’s work together to create a better home and a brighter future, okay? <3
Barry, turn off your defensive personality before reading this paragraph, please. If you spent more time doing things that make you feel accomplished and less time not doing things, I know your overall sense of self and happiness would vastly improve. You say I talk too much but you do too, it’s just all in your head. That’s dangerous to you and everyone around you. A mind is a terrible thing to waste and yours is absolutely amazing! But you overwhelm it with worry and let it consume you. Stop isolating and trying to deal with all the things in your head all the time. Just live. Do stuff. Stop giving yourself the time to worry so much and occupy your mind more efficiently. That’s my 2 cents. I want you to be happier and I want to see you living life. I confess, I too am a worry wart. And I worry about my worries, your worries, and all the worries you could ever imagine to worry about on the daily! Worry is a monster. It is unfair for both of us to do this to ourselves, to each other, and to the ones we love so dearly that are not only watching us worry but inadvertently taking on some of that worry in the process. Making a choice to fix and clean up this house (I think) will help us both in a lot of ways. It will give us something to do, it will give us a sense of accomplishment, it will help us teach our peeps, it will up the value of our home, it will give us much needed time together, it will help us get our minds on more positive things and pull us out of this negative set of routines we’ve built for ourselves, and it will create a happier, healthier environment for us and our love bugs. Let’s make a plan, together, to make our life happier and healthier, one mess at time.
Life is chaotic. We have jobs and responsibilities. We all want to have quality time and make memories. We all want to laugh, be happy, and have fun. But nothing worth having is free. Hard work is how you get what you want and appreciate it. Working together to do the hard things creates more time for the fun. Here are some ‘guidelines’ for maintaining a healthy, happy, clean home:
Clean up your messes. Don’t leave them for someone else to pick up. If you get something out, put it away.
Be thoughtful. If you see a dirty dish, piece of trash, or other easy to clean up mess, take a few seconds out of your time to clean it up. It’s not hard, I do it all day every day.
Make good choices. Stop with the “I didn’t do it” mentality. It doesn’t matter who did it. We all need to stop this bad habit. We all live in this house. Change your thought pattern and stop immediately thinking negatively. Being intentional and positive will help you and everyone around you.
Room by room, because I’m feeling like being thorough and concise. Not because I am being a Nazi mom/wife. But because I simply need your help:
YOUR ROOM
Laundry: don’t leave it on your bed or your floor. We ALL do this! The best way to NOT create a big problem is to handle it while it’s small. Put your clothes in a basket, or down the shute. When the basket is full, take it down and wash it. Or if you go down and there’s a pile under the shute, start a load. In an hour, go back down and put it in the dryer. In another hour, go get the clean clothes and take them to your room, fold them and put them away. It’s not hard and it’s not time consuming. There are a million other things you can do while the clothes are washing and drying. But please do not just leave them sitting in the basement or on the bathroom floor for me to deal with, dirty or clean.
Dishes: Wherever you decide to eat your meal, whether it’s your room, the living room, outside, at the table, sitting on the toilet…do not set those dishes down anywhere. Take them to the kitchen and wash them. You are never that busy that you can’t take 5 minutes to do this. There is no reason that the sink should ever be overflowing with dishes on either or both sides at any time. Leaving dishes sit causes caked on food to be much, much harder to wash off. It’s no fun, especially when it’s someone else’s food. Also, it smells and attracts ants, spiders, stink bugs, lady bugs, roaches and about 100 other insects and rodents into OUR home.
Clutter: I know it’s difficult to organize all of your things when you don’t feel like you have much space to do it. I have a whole house and I feel that way. You have choices. Make space. Get rid of things you don’t use. Donate them. Sell them. Trash them. If you don’t want to do that, stop buying new things. Another option is to rent a storage space and put all the things you want but don’t currently use in it. Do not leave your things in common spaces in our home. The living room, kitchen, hallway, bathroom, basement, garage, someone else’s bedroom and the porch are not your personal storage spaces. Be mindful of the space you are using and the fact that you are not the only person that needs to use it. Who’s ready for a purge day???
*if you do not allow things to build up into hard to deal with messes, they become less of a problem. It’s much easier to maintain a clean room than a dirty one. Living in a constant state of ‘mess’ is not only aggravating and worrisome, it also causes depression, loss of self esteem, anger, self deprivation and relationship issues.
KITCHEN
-Dishes: If you dirty it, clean it.
-Messes: If you dirty it, clean it. Wipe down space after making a meal, especially if it’s one that created crumbs, spills, or sticky surfaces.
-Trash: It goes in the garbage can, not on the counter, on the table, on the stove, on the dog food container, on the floor next to the garbage, or sitting in a bag anywhere in the kitchen. The outside trash can and recycling container are a few steps away. Also, don’t walk past any trash, deal with it, even if it’s not yours. If the kitchen trash is so full you have to push everything down to fit your trash in it, that is a sign from the Gods that you have been chosen to take that bag out to the outside trash bin. Congratulations, lucky one.
Pay attention to your surroundings. Or go get your eyes checked. “I didn’t see it” isn’t working for this tired mom anymore.
I can sweep and mop but if you make any messes on the floor please pick up the broom/mop and take care of it. Don’t leave it for me to take care of because you’re too ‘busy’ or don’t have time. If you don’t have time, make time. This is a sign that your priorities need reorganizing. Cleanliness and the safety of our health and welfare should come before entertainment, laziness and the biggest hurdle of all in this house, pride.
BATHROOM
-Toilet: It’s broken, in case you didn’t know. Please make sure you flush, let it fill up, and turn the water off EVERY time. It’s the considerate thing to do. Eventually we’ll fix it or replace it but until then, let’s all give a crap. See what I did there? Also, don’t overuse toilet paper, ya filthy animals. Cleaning out the drainage pipes when we get back ups from too much TP now costs $225. From this point forward, you will be billed for your share when we incur this expense. It may be a required contribution to the plumber or the monthly water bill.
-Shower: Please check to make sure water isn’t getting outside the shower and if it is, clean it up. If you continue to neglect this responsibility you may find yourselves 10 feel below the first floor of this house with a bathtub and toilet on your head. Don’t leave sopping wet rags on the tub floor. Ring it out and throw it down the shute. No one wants the thought in their head of their hands on your butt rag. If you use a razor in the shower, put it on the shelf under the shower head and be sure to throw away the little plastic cover as it clogs the drains. Us long haired fools are the ‘root’ cause of tub drain clogs and those smelly hairballs trap everything causing backups and putrid hair rats. If you don’t know what that is, you can accompany us the next time we clean the hair out of the bathroom drains. It’s quite fascinating. Don’t leave clothes on the floor in the bathroom. You are standing RIGHT next to the laundry shute, fools! Heck.
-Sink: Don’t leave your hockers, toothpaste spit, boogers or anything else you rid your body of in there. Just, Ew. Come on. And if you use a wash rag outside of the shower, throw it down the shute, don’t leave it on the sink or the back of the toilet.
-Trash: There is actually a garbage can in there. Use it. And not for poopy diapers. It can hold things like used q-tips, snotty tissues, wads of hair, razor covers, toilet paper rolls, empty toothpaste containers, used bandaids, old toothbrushes, boogers, used cotton balls, nail clippings and a variety of other things often left on the counter, flung on the floor or wiped on the walls. Again, Ew. Also, if it’s full, take it outside and put it in the big can and replace it with a new bag. If it’s overflowing, don’t test the capacity of that can as well as the minimal space under the sink by shoving one more thing in it. And I know when a bathroom garbage bag is full to capacity it will fit inside the kitchen garbage can but I strongly suggest you take the few extra steps to the OUTSIDE can. And thank you.
LIVING ROOM
I’m aware that dad and I spend more time in this room than anyone else in this house so this section is mostly for us. But we should all make mental notes here.
-Water bottles don’t belong on the floor. In fact, if you choose to drink a bottle of water, from this point forward, know that you are also choosing the responsibility of emptying it and putting it in the recycling bin, outside. If you are sitting there drinking it, fine. If you drink it all, get up and recycle it. If you don’t, the next time you get off your duff, drink it and recycle it. You need water anyway, don’t dilly-dally. Chug. There is nothing wrong with drinking bottled water either. As long as you are recycling and not being a jerk to the earth by being lazy and throwing it in the trash.
*Not to lazy ass self: Recycling can. It’s blue. You can see it out the window and it literally will do you good to walk the eff out there anyway.
-If you insist on sleeping on the couch, which is an awful habit we need to break (self and beloved spouse), take your blanket to the bedroom in the morning. P.S. You shed 8lbs of dead skin every year. https://health.howstuffworks.com/skin-care/information/anatomy/shed-skin-cells.htm Most of that process happens WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING. Just some fun facts. Ew. Mental note: wash your bed sheets once every week or 2, dirtballs.
-Creatures: The living environment of our ‘pets’ is atrocious. Not only is that not very nice to do to them but it’s also not safe for any of us. Their cages need more attention, more often. Period. There’s no shame in asking for help to make it go a little faster. If we are keeping these ‘friends’, we should be loving them more. Otherwise, the most loving, responsible thing to do is find them a new home. No other options available here.
-Shoes: One pair of your shoes left by the door is more than enough. All other shoes should be somewhere in YOUR room. I know I’m terrible at this, too. This is for all of us, I’m not singling anyone out. We should stop wearing our shoes in the house, too. I don’t care how clean you think they are, you are tracking in things from outside and they are being left behind when you walk. I know this because unlike you I walk around without my shoes and feel the crunch everywhere I walk.
-Dishes, food, trash, clutter, etc: None of it belongs in the living room. Stop the laziness. Stop the madness. And if you drop crumbs, create spills, or insist on consuming anything while sitting on the couch, take full responsibility for your mess. Don’t half ass it. Don’t leave it for later. Don’t get mad. Just be responsible and give a crap. And do a good job so when I do bigger cleaning I don’t ‘discover’ what you missed. Better yet, don’t leave it behind for Max to ingest. You’ll feel terrible if it hurts him in any way.
LAUNDRY ROOM/BASEMENT
I’ll keep this as simple as I can. Some of the madness is mine. Some of the madness is not. It’s time to de-clutter, reduce, minimize shit, maximize space, clean up and clean out. I think that covers it. OH, and the basement is not a storage room. I know, I know…where else can you put all the things??? Right? You can refer to the YOUR ROOM category or simply do this: Take a little time to go through it and get rid of what you don’t want/need, and reorganize so as not to take up so much common space in our home. Bam! Resolution. What I hear most about why laundry sits down there for so long is that you don’t have room. Excuses I give myself are similar. New rule for anyone that utilizes that room: Wash it, dry it, fold it, put it away. Do not leave it in the basement. Keep your room clean and organized so it’s easier and less time consuming to keep up with your own laundry.
Barry, get rid of all the dusty, 25 year old clothes in the closet. You will never wear them again. Gabe, Kiara, Natalia…there is no way you wear all those damn clothes. Mass exodus, please. Hold it in your hand for 3 seconds. If you can’t reason with yourself in that amount of time why you would want to keep it, throw it away (or donate). It’s that simple.
I’m getting ready for another purge and I intend to do it before Christmas. Make time. Please do your part. Prioritize. I am going to rent a dumpster (I know Bear, for a day and no more) and we are going to seriously PURGE the fuck out of this house. I’ll give you the date and that is your sign to start going through ALL of your shit. Bag it up and put it in the basement or garage. Or get it the hell out of our lives by donating it or giving it away. I don’t care. I don’t care what method you use for this purging process but none of us need all the bullshit we have in our lives. Not to mention, Santa skips houses that don’t have room for new goodies.
I love you. I’m not crazy. I’m just tired of being tired of being tired.
p.s. If it is your intention to dismiss the urgency and seriousness of this message I shall expoundeth on these royal thoughts daily until you chooseth to comply.
Love,
The Queen
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