I am a mother

As a mother, a woman, a human…I have learned so much in my 40 years on this earth. While I still have much to learn, I’m grateful for so many of life’s lessons. I hope that what I learn from these lessons makes me a better mother, woman and human being along the way.

I am a mother. Since the day I found out I was expecting my first child, my life has been through so many changes. Over the last 22 years I have become older, wiser, stronger, more patient and more humble than I was before having children. There are days that I don’t exactly feel that way. But it’s been an adventure, to say the least. My parenting ‘skills’ have definitely changed in the last 22 years as well.  It stands to reason that since I grew older and wiser my parenting skills have only gotten better. I could’ve done a lot of things differently, yes.  But my kids are all still alive so I didn’t do too bad, right? The first time around I was coping as a mother by using the memories I had of the parenting I received, whether it was from my own parents or other adults in my life that took me under their wing at some point in my first 18 years. So I taught what I knew, as we all do. What we know changes as our children age and as we grow as a parent. Inevitably, we will parent a little different with each child. Especially when we are crazy enough to have them 7, 12 and 19 years apart.

Some of the things we fear will not seem so scary by the time we get to the 3^rd child. Some things may seem even more frightening. One thing I’ve found is that it isn’t really about what you are dealing with, but how. With all of my children I’ve tried to focus on these things.

1. Love. Make sure you are full of love. I want you to know how important love is in your life. Learn to be humble and not let their feelings dictate your actions every time. Know the importance of family and that while you may not always see eye to eye, you are family. And nothing is more important than that. Family may be the people you share the same blood line with or people who have loved you unconditionally and always been there for you, even if you don’t share the same blood. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. 2. Respect. Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you want someone to listen, love and try to help you…you should do the same. Let it start with you. Don’t wait for someone to be kind to you. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Love everyone. It’s ok to have a difference of opinions. It’s necessary, actually. But don’t let those differences stand in the way of kindness, respect and love. If you have given someone the benefit of the doubt and they chose to continue to be angry, take the high road. Walk away. Whether or not they come back, you will be a better person. Harboring bad feelings will only hurt you more in the end. It will rob you of the opportunity to be loved and for you to love other people. 3. Communicate. Always communicate. My door is always open when you need to talk.  Not talking about it will only hurt you. You will bottle up those emotions. You will bottle up that pain and frustration. And it will be harder and take longer to overcome. If you want someone to better understand you, you have to talk to them. 4. Patience. While you are overwhelmed with emotions it’s hard to make decisions that will give you the results you want. If you focus on being kind, being honest and being willing to compromise, you have a much better chance of getting the results you want. 5. Have confidence. If someone is saying something that hurts your heart, listen closely. Don’t let someone’s words or actions determine how you feel about yourself. They are likely thinking more of themselves than you if they are hurting you with their words/actions. Don’t judge, learn. The only one responsible for how you feel about you, is you. 6. Forgiveness. Everyone is different. Have compassion. While you may have burdens to bare, you are not alone. Not everyone chose to be who they are. You learn from the people you are around the most. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have people in their life that love them. You don’t have to like someone else’s decisions, words or actions.  But try to understand that maybe they just need one person to listen and care. You don’t know what they went through in their lives any more than they know what you went through in yours. If you are both willing, you can learn from each other and grow in a positive direction. Growing together is always better than growing apart. 

There are few grudges held by me and that’s not to say I haven’t gotten hurt or been angry.  But one thing I’ve learned is not to hold on to that negativity. I know I’m not perfect, as a mother or otherwise. But I don’t strive to be. The only thing I strive for his happiness.  I don’t want to harbor bad feelings toward someone. I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want to continuously question why things are the way they are. I want to be happy, love with all my heart, be loved and make amazing memories with the people that mean the most to me. We are all on this earth for such a short time. I don’t want to waste any of my precious time being angry with people who aren’t making a difference in my life. I hope my children learn what I’m trying to teach them.  And I hope they teach it to their children too.  This world would be a much better place if we all just loved a little harder and stopped judging others.

Of all the things I am, I will always be a mother. I will always love my children, unconditionally.  They may not always follow my advice. They may make mistakes (as we all have). But I will continue to teach them what I know and believe until my very last breath because I want them to be better than me. I want them to never give up on themselves, their dreams and their future. If ever they feel alone, I want them to know they always have me. And I want them to know that wherever life takes them, whoever they become, whatever happens between now and eternity…I will never stop loving them.  Ever.