Today I pray for my grandmother to be rid of pain and suffering. My only living grandparent. She is so fragile, so sick, so far away. I wish that I could just be there, hold her hand, tell her how much I love her. I called her today but she's on a breathing machine and having difficulty speaking. Grandma, sweet angel, I love you and I'm so sorry I can't be there. I just know that you're surrounded by God and his angels right now. I'll continue to pray for you and send my love, forever.
Aside from the sorrow and the worry of my grandmother's condition I'm plagued with yet another heart breaking situation. My oldest son is leaving next July for basic training in the Army National Guard. He's 18. He's graduating. He's growing up. And my heart doesn't like that one bit. I am, however, immensely proud of him for the young man he's become. I currently suffer from that emotion that falls somewhere between the agony of having your heart ripped out of your chest and the sheer joy of winning the lottery. Go, son. Be brave. Be proud. Live. Be happy. I love you to the moon and back! But don't ever get too grown for your Momma.
There are certain things in life that simply have to happen. Kids growing up and becoming adults is one of them. Another...having awesome Halloween parties. Although I want to be super excited about the party we're planning this year, my heart just isn't in it, yet. I'm trying to brainstorm and come up with ideas but my mind keeps following my heart. There is so much to be done in the coming weeks and I don't even know where to start. Looking at the next few months I see there isn't much time to spare between responsibilities and obligations. I've been better about putting things on my calendar, so as not to forget. This morning I realized that there is much more to add to that list of things 'not to forget'. Like brushing my teeth. How does one forget to do that? I'll try not to get too close to anyone's face today with my mouth open!
We weren't able to get together with family on my dad's side this year. In the last few years we went to Tennessee for a reunion. Next year, the family is going to try to come here, to Ohio. I was hoping to get a rental house so we could all be together but they book up so fast and the family that is coming from out of state will need some time before they can determine whether they'll be able to make it. It's September. I'm trying to plan something for 11 months down the road and I'm already stressing. Good Lord. I'm going to need blood pressure medication and an army of angels to get me there with my sanity intact!
I really wish I could clone myself for a million and ten reasons. I'd like to spend more time with my kids, be able to plan the birthday parties and going away parties, bake the cakes, run the errands, see the distant family, hug my ailing grandmother, make the crafts, go back in time!!, water the plants before they die, walk the dogs, cook the dinner, clean the house, wash the clothes, organize the photos, make the scrapbooks, watch that movie I said I was going to watch a year ago, finish that book I started 5 times now, have the baby we've wanted for 11 years, and visit the places I've only dreamed about. And suddenly I feel like an octopus. How am I going to do all these things??? I've always been a multi-tasker. I can do this. Right? Of course I can. I just hope the people in my life that I have to deal with regularly don't think I've gone insane. Though it's hard to separate what I want to do from what I have to do, I have to start somewhere.
I'll start by breathing. I think that's a very good start.
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