Think Positive

Easier said than done, right?  I don’t know about you but the older I get, the harder it is to ‘think positive’.  Sometimes I wonder if depression is setting in or if I’m just completely overwhelmed with life’s twists and turns.  I often feel like my plate is more than overflowing.  It’s drowning.  It’s literally sunk and deteriorating.   I used to have so much patience for pretty much anything.  I always managed to find the light at the end of the tunnel, to see the big picture, to turn my frowns upside down.  I felt like superwoman at times when adversity was all around me and I rose above and just handled it.  Like a champ.  My life could’ve taken a turn at any point in the last 35 years but I managed to keep on trucking.  I’m proud of that, if you didn’t notice.  I was one of the lucky ones, learning by example instead of by mistake.  I can only hope that my children have that gene.  I realize we all have to make some mistakes.  I just hope their mistakes are minimal.  I hope the lessons they learn far outweigh their mistakes. And if I’m lucky they’ll pass the gene on to my grandchildren.  Oh, Lord.  Let’s not go there right now. I am way too young to be thinking about my grandchildren.  Right??

I’m aware that I’m not the brightest bulb in the box.  But I’m no pushover, either. I have had my share of stubbornness, I admit.  That was a hard habit to kick. Ok, maybe I’m still working on it.  But acceptance is the first step, right?  I’m still learning. I’ve learned a lot of things from a lot of people and I intend to teach as much as I’ve learned.  I just want to life a full, happy, meaningful life.  I want to make a difference, some where, some how.  I just want to be happy and surround myself with happy people.  I never used to want to imagine where’d I’d be later in life.  I liked focusing on just getting through the day. Eventually I reached a point where I worried where I’d be at a certain age.  And now, whatever happens, I just want to die happy.  I’d like to get back to a place in my own mind where coping with difficult situations was less of a challenge.  I used to love to people watch.  I’m not a weirdo, I didn’t stalk.  I just liked being alone mentally and physically and not thinking about the things that might otherwise have me ripping my hair out. I asked myself a million questions and compared myself and my life to what I thought these people might be like.  I wondered so many things.  Do they have children?  Have they ever lost someone close to them?  What kind of car do they drive? When they leave will they go home to their family or an empty house? What do they do for a living? Did they look in a mirror before they stepped out today??? I stopped people watching a decade ago for some unknown reason but I think it’s one of those things I’d like to start doing again.  I don’t know how but I found some sort of peace in it.  I suppose I still people watch but I’m unaware when I’m doing it.  Sometimes I just think about people, as a human race.  It’s a little scary.  Sometimes I’d like to drown a few of them.  Not really. I love people.  I think we’re awesome.  But thinking about other people helps me realize my own flaws and attributes.  I often think about the people I’m closest too and some of those that are too far away to touch.  I wonder what they’re doing right now.

In all this pondering and babbling I realize it’s hard to find my point.  That never happens.  Sorry.  Anyway, I realize that everything I’ve been through or put myself through in my short life has made me who I am and I’m ok with it.  But I do think it’s time for some change.  I don’t want to call it a New Year’s Resolution or anything but I would like to learn to be a little less uptight.  I am going to think of 10 positive things to think, say, ponder and share every day until I’ve conditioned myself to be that optimistic, strong minded, happy person I used to be.  After all, I have so much to be grateful for.  I have a job.  I have a fabulous, good looking, healthy, happy family.  I have an army of friends and family and friends that are family.  I have working limbs and functioning senses.  I have breath within my body.  I have blood within my veins.  I have adorable pets.  My dogs are cute too.  I have a few good ounces of humor.  And I have good hair. What else do I need?  If I decide I want to skip the laundry and play a board game, so be it.  If I decide that we’re eating Raisin Bran and Tootsie Rolls for dinner, that’s what we’ll do. If I want to brush my teeth with hot sauce, who’s going to stop me???  I would totally stop me.  This is my life.  I get to make the decisions.  I get to reap the benefits.  Watch out world.  I’ve got at least 50 good years left in me and I’m planning on making history with them!  Ok, really, I’m not a history making type of person.  But I do plan to do big things.  So be nice to me.  And if you’re reading this, do your part.  You only live once.  Take everything you can from this life and be sure to pass it on to the people who mean the most to you, and some strangers too.  And always remember that laughter is the best medicine and happiness spreads like wildfire. Put your differences and your selfishness aside and influence someone in a positive way.  Stop worrying about tomorrow and take advantage of the moment you’re living right now.  Never mind, it’s gone.  Ok, now!  Crap.  Wait, here comes another one…..Bam!! Did you feel that?  It was another missed opportunity.  Batter up, baby.  Think Positive!